So here’s the scenario: She’s 23, has two young boys ages 3 and 2, she became a Christian about a year ago, she lives in a house in the village and attends Church regularly and has a desire to grow in her faith and knowledge of the Word. In addition, she has a husband whom she began to “live with” (marriage as we understand it as a legal union and an intended lifetime commitment doesn’t exist in traditional Aukaan culture) four years ago. This man “has” three other women (wives in a very loose sense) who live in different villages along the river. Our woman of focus understands fully that her man is openly promiscuous and a blatant adulterer. He will shamelessly call out at other women in his wife’s presence without hesitation in public. The traditional Aukaan culture fully accepts his lifestyle. She doesn’t see him for extended periods of time and doesn’t know when he’ll come to see her. Whenever it pleases him, he will call her to come see him where he works and stay for perhaps a week or so and then she will return to stay alone in the village. She herself does not sleep with other women because she desires to live the Christian life. She understands the sad reality of her situation but she fears the possibility of contracting an STD or even AIDS.
Scenario number #2: She’s 38, has been a Christian for over 15 years now and has five children. She began to “live” with her “husband” before she was saved. She is active in Church and prays diligently and seeks to follow the Lord closely. She discovered just a few years ago that her husband had taken another woman in the village where they currently reside and has five additional children with her. The relationship between the two women is contentious on nearly a daily basis. Our woman of focus is always suspecting that her husband is heading to a different part of the village to sleep with this “other” woman or give her money. There are often encounters in the village in which the “other” woman will curse her or threaten to fight. There are frequent heated arguments with her husband who is a man open to the Gospel who has even begun to come to Church. Even for him, the family situation is not black-and-white. He does have a responsibility to provide for all of those 10 kids and two wives but there is unceasing strife, unrest, discontentment and jealousy. Our believing wife often asks me to pray for God to give her patience as she has endured much. Furthermore, all five of her kids witness all that goes on and the impact it has on them undoubtedly unhealthy.
Not just hearing, but seeing firsthand stories like this has troubled me many a day in Godoloho. I have even on occasion been shoved into a “mediator” and counselor role. So I’ll prompt you to answer: what’s your advice?
Well….devoid of any advanced degree in marriage or family canceling and at the moment no personal marital experience from which to draw wisdom I went to the only place I knew: God’s Word.
I Peter 3:1-2
“Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives.”
I cannot imagine how trying it must be to be where these women, and many others like them, but I hope when you get a chance, pray for them and pray that the lives they live will display Jesus so that their husbands will come to know the savior – the only way for any true life change to come about.
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